Subhan speaks

“What?! No way! I’m not going anywhere!”, said 16 year old Rach. “ Yes way, dear daughter, I know what’s good for you. And you ARE going.” Retorted Mrs. Finn. Rach was a typical high school girl and believed in being the MOST popular everywhere. Luckily for her, popularity came very easily in her former high school. But now, as she entered eleventh grade she had to choose the subjects she will want to pursue for her future. And her beloved old school, Indian public School did not have the subjects she had a flair for. And for that sole reason, her mother insisted she changed schools. To a very aristocratic school. US Communal School. And that decision, Rach hated. She wanted to stay back in her old school, with her old friends, with her newfound interest in creative writing, with her volleyball team, with her darling teachers, with her position as Games Captain. But verdict had been made, and it was happening.

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Next day, Rach woke up, with butterflies in her stomach, and a heavy heart. The day had come for her to talk to the principal of the US communal school. How she dreaded it! And to make things worse, she thought, turning red at her mothers’ words. The previous night, her mother had said, “ I know how much you DON’T want to enter this school. But do NOT contemplate messing this interview on purpose” And Rach never did anything on purpose, unless she was desperate. And she did not like being desperate. As these thoughts were flooding her mind, her mother walked into her room and said, “well, darling daughter. Here’s the day! You ready?” Rach did not reply to her mothers’ cheerful words. She dressed formally, combed her frizzy hair and made a ponytail. She looked at her reflection on the mirror and said “ Yuck! I can’t believe I have to walk out of this house looking like my own dog!” Mrs. Finn laughed at her daughters’ sardonic remark. Rach’s dad arrived from his early morning walk, and they immediately left home for Rachs’ new School.

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“Whoa!!” What is this place?! It’s positively HUGE! And why are there so many guys here?!” Rach couldn’t believe what she was seeing. She had imagined her new school to look like a palace with chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. But she was seeing the complete opposite. The school sure was big, but it had beautiful fresco paintings everywhere. And Rach absolutely loved painting. And the school looked more welcoming and three students who passed by had already smiled at her. “Well, I guess this wouldn’t be that bad” she thought. Aloud she said. “ Can we just go back home? This place looks like that house from ‘Gone with the Wind.” Mr. and Mrs. Finn shushed her as the headmaster welcomed all the interviewees.

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Again Rach’s mouth dropped to her feet. She was expecting an old hag to appear at the office door, but there appeared her new schools’ principal, dressed in a black shirt with a pair of stonewashed jeans. She was grateful her mother wasn’t looking at her. In fact, she observed, her mother was staring at the principal too! Rach grinned mischievously. She should remember to rag her mother later.

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After 20 minutes of waiting, Rach’s name was called. Her parents walked up purposefully to the office while she dragged her legs. As they entered the office, Rach couldn’t help but stare at the number of honors and trophies the principal had in his name. She wished the principal Good morning who wished her back and gestured her parents and she to be seated. He introduced himself as Mr. Fletcher. While Rach sat there, red faced and tongue tied, her mother did all the talking. About how good Rach was at sports and stuff. But the principal remained unconvinced. Rach was definite that she had screwed. After a lot of scrutinizing, the principal asked Mrs. Finn, “ is she initially shy?” Mr. Finn bursts out laughing earning that disgusted look which Mrs. Finn gave him, which Rach thought he deserved. The principal smiled and asked Rach as to why she wanted the group that not many opted for. Rach simply said, “ I love these subjects. They are related to humans, and human life. And I love that theme.” Apparently, Mr. Fletcher was satisfied with the answer for he said, “ Well, I’ll be expecting you to be here on June 18^th. Please make sure you receive the fee form on your way out.” Rach’s parents were radiant with contentment and so was Rach, to her own surprise.

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Rach killed the next few weeks by reading, writing and completing her painting classes. Her friends were sorry that she was leaving and she was as poignant. And a week prior to the reopening day, Rach had to go to her old school. The students there were very acidic to her. None of them were very forthcoming and no one was ardent to wish her luck for the new-fangled start. What saddened her more was that if she had stayed back in her old school, she would have been Sports Captain and she would have had the chance to represent her school, and why, even the state for volleyball tournaments. Trying to control her conflicting emotions, later that night “ Who cares about my Ex Co-mates? They’re all just jealous that they couldn’t make it to that awesome school. Like I’m gonna give a damn about It.” said an unwavering Rach to her reflection in the mirror.

The next week runs by in projectile alacrity. And finally the day arrives.

“ We’ll come with you today since it’s your first day. But starting tomorrow, you taking the school bus.”, said Mrs. Finn. “Great.” said a very nervous Rach. Her parents exchanged meaningful smiles.

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They arrived at school. Trepidation threatened to overwhelm Rach. She walked into school, head held high though within she was quacking with lack of self-confidence. They waited for a long time. As minutes ticked by, Rach’s apprehension augmented. She had even skipped breakfast that morning, credit to her nerves. After 30 excruciating minutes, Mr. Fletcher informed all the new students their allotted classrooms. to Rach’s displeasure her class room had to be in the 3^rd floor. She trudged her way to her classroom.

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As soon as she entered her classroom, a feeling of déjà vu engulfed her. She was glad to see that the classrooms in this school had the same convivial feeling as that of her old school’s. She stood at the looking around the classroom not realizing that there were already a few students seated there. A curly haired girl welcomed her. “ Hey! Come, sit.” She said patting the empty space in her bench she was seated on. She gratefully sank into the bench and scrunched up her shoulders and sat mutedly. The curly haired girl introduced herself as Liz. For a transitory moment, Rach had the urge to ask Liz if she was as nervous as she was. But she decided not to because she was afraid she’d make a fool of herself. More students came joined them and Rach learned that everyone were as jumpy as she was. Somehow that thought comforted her. She was starting to feel more at ease. No teachers came and no more than 8 students had turned up. Rach’s thought went like this “ I hope the teachers don’t turn up today. Maybe all of them had some family problem, or they had a bad case of constipation. And WOW. Only 8 students so far. Hope it remains this way! “ Little did she know that her class was going to be the smallest and most discriminated class.

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1^st day in her new school was wonderful. She exchanged numbers with everyone. Even E-mail ID’s. Rach couldn’t help but make a contrast between her old and new school. In her previous school, students were never this flexible. They were always privately judging each other. Never straightforward with their feelings. But here, everyone were honest, if not in the conventional way. They were at least honest in their opinion. In just one day, she figured that in this school, you have to be permissive and more active. Before entering the school, when her mother had explained the way she had to handle things. Rach’s old school was an All Girls school. Though she had been exposed to many kinds of men before, it occurred to her mother that she had no idea about controlling her feelings and emotions. That was one of the main reasons for her decisions to change Rach’s school. And Mrs. Finn was happy to see that her daughter was happy in her new school.

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Rach was positively having the time of her life in the new place. She never imagined that life could be so perfect. Before entering, she had been worried about 2 things. Making friends and coping with the rest of the students since she was from a subordinate and easier board. The fact that this was a co-education school did not seem to bother her, since all the girls seemed typical and the boys seemed as typical as any other guy she’d come across. She was happy and satisfied with her class. There were only 8 students and Rach found them very pleasant people in the beginning. The teachers liked her, and she was performing reasonably well, though she personally thought her marks in her previous school were better. Her parents thought were happy to see their daughter looking so happy as the days passed by. They had no idea what was in store for her.

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It was ingrained in Rach’s mind that he contemporaries were the finest people on earth and that outlook actually caused a huge blow up with her mother, and THAT seldom came about. “ I don’t think you should get emotionally involved with anyone too hurriedly. You of all people should know that”, said Mrs. Finn. Her mother was referring to the number of times that Rach’s had been betrayed by her friends previously. But she replied defiantly, “ I of all people will know, WHAT kind of people are the betraying type and what kind aren’t! These people are nice to me. Aren’t you happy about that? Or do you want me to be unhappy?! Is that it?!” with that, she turned and walked out of the living room leaving behind her mother who looked as if she had just been slapped. Her mother couldn’t believe it. Her usually perceptive daughter was actually shouting out for hurt! Well, she’s a big girl now. And with any luck, she wouldn’t plummet too hard when she does.

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Rach adored her classmates. She though Alex was funny, Shea was smart, Karl was entertaining, Megan was pretty, Sheila was talkative, Rona was understanding. But robin, she always seemed depressed. She was never active in class. Robin was very happy until Liz was around. But Liz had to leave and soon after, Robin went into depression. Rach had always liked the quite girl. But she was brutally honest and the others didn’t seem to like that. And Rach was influenced by their judgments and did not befriending Robin, though she wanted to

Time moved on speedily. Fights and misunderstanding took place in my class. The 8 of us were segregated into 3 groups already. It was not the class it used to be. Negative silence hovered above us, Always. But I realized that I’d never fit into the pattern of life of these people. I couldn’t envisage myself with them anymore. Because, I was influenced by them in the wrong way. And I lost many opportunities that came my way because of them. I’d never absolve myself for being hoodwinked by people for the umpteenth time in my life. I was indebted to Robin for making me see light. And so was she. I knew she was superior a person than anyone else in the class. I knew I could count on her to be around in times of crisis without the fear of being deserted. I knew she could be trusted with all of my secrets. Robin was that kind of person who needed reassurance all the time. And I was more than happy to give it to her. She helped me endure and sustain all that bottled up emotions I held within. She and I tried maintaining the dim traces of optimistic aura between the rest of the class and us. But I guess, we had burnt the bridge that connected us. But it came as a relief, we felt liberated. It was as though some heavy yoke of stress had been lifted. I was thankful to God for that.

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Also, Robin and I were thankful to God when we had a good bonding with other students from other classes. They were Gems! They were understanding. More than anything, they were selfless. And that was one attribute I couldn’t find in my co mates. I was truly happy. And I mean it this time! I found true happiness in the form of Robin, Melissa, Madison, Adelia, Sherry and Becky. They were true people without a single drop of phony blood in them. They were for real. With these people, there was no uneasiness, phony feelings and the fear of being betrayed. I Was Happy.

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2^nd and 3^rd term was seventh heaven. Days galloped by so fast that I could scarcely keep track of time. I was now Robin’s steadfast friend and I was becoming closer to the rest of the True people! How I loved school! I remembered the time I used to dread every sunup. I loathed school during the first 4 months. But after all that pandemonium, I acquired a reputation AND True Friends. Amen to that !!

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School dramas, Expos, Annual days and a few more small functions came about. But what really left an impact was…. My..er..Lets say, heart? Or shall we put it this way: Hormonal discrepancy? Oh well. Robin and I started Daydreaming. Now that should bestow on you, some suggestion about this! We became feather headed. Well, the characters responsible for our feather headedness were Scott, Steven and Aaron. Oh God! How clumsy we were when these guys were around. I had always prided myself on being a feminist and by no means believed that a guy could make you go red in the face. But Steven and Scott sure made me go red!!

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Everyday after school I’d tell my mom about these guys. I could never make up my mind on which one I liked most. Both were good looking and both were sweet guys! I knew only that much about them. I kept my feelings to myself in the beginning. Then I HAD to tell someone in school. As you would expect Robin was the only one I’d share such embarrassing stuff with. Then gradually Melissa, Madison, Adelia, Sherry and Becky earned my trust and they knew who my crushes were too! I was teased every time when either of my crushes was in vicinity. I’d blush and they’d point and giggle! Melissa was the worst here! She’d keep calling Steven names and laugh contentedly at my facial expressions. Boyy! Those were the days!

Melissa was a levelheaded girl. Mother’s dream, father’s pride and teacher’s darling. And one of the trustworthiest friends I’ve ever had. She was the 2^nd person in school who knew the two guys I liked. She’d listen to my unending babble about Steven and Scott and never call me a feather head since she knew I didn’t like being called one. Though I must say, she was a dizzy Lizzy herself! She used to dig a guy who was a senior at school. Phil was her dream! And I listened to HER never-ending fantasies about Phil. Madison was one of those quiet types who’d keep to themselves;’ but have intense feelings and veiled depths. She was an intellect. Great critic and a very discerning person! One of the few I trust! And Adelia was a sports person. Very loquacious and bighearted. A little mulish but that was what drew me to her. Beauty conscious and talks to random people. Gutsy and she already has a hold on her dream boy! Sherry was a calm girl though she was very talkative later on; she gave the impression of a nerd. Always smiles and I don’t think she’s capable of that emotion ‘Anger’. Bold and confident describes her best. Becky can simply be defined by the word. Hyperactive. She’s a frenetic butterfly and has butter fingers too. Kid at heart but as full-fledged as a grandma in thoughts! You are assured to have fun around her. Robin, susceptible, compassionate and vigilant. Just those words portray that treasure of a person. She turned tomato red when her dream guys were in vicinity. First it was Aaron and then she set her sights on Kevin. She ostracized being teased. But it was tough not to tease the Mickey out of her! She was SO obvious!

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But as the aphorism goes, Familiarity Breeds Contempt. And it was SO precise in my case. I lost curiosity in Scott and Steven and I soon had my sights set on a few cute neighborhood hunks! Names? Karl and Kane. Gauche as they were, their simplicity and minimalism was appealing to me. Karl appeared more like my variety because he was even clumsier than his brother! Oh.. did I reveal that they were brothers??Robin lost interest in Aaron and now developed a major crush on Kevin. I didn’t blame her. They guy was kind of good looking, in a nerdy way. And Melissa’s imaginings came true; I’d probably be asphyxiated to demise if I divulge that here. And Madison’s existence was being ruined by a *beep*. I empathize wholly! I’d be drinking by now if I were she. Adelia had her own problems in panorama. She was yet to discern them since she was fairly naïve Sherry never seemed like she had any problems. Or maybe, she just didn’t share it with random people. Becky was nonchalant and her only dream boy was far away in some other element of the globe not even aware of her existence. Adam Mackenzie was every girls’ dream boy. Though each of us had our differences. But a basketball star, football team captain, school leader. What not? He was Becky’s dream!

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These feather headed moments with so much hilarity and fantasies along with its stock of tribulations will never return. These wild incidents, which were overflowing with elation and not a trace of sorrow, though we did have our dire times, will in no way come back the way it was. If I had ever complained about school, I’d willingly take it all back. Because school is a part of my life and school life will be the most cherished era of my existence! School Life Rocks! Nothing can replace it !! not college or not the life after!

These feelings and emotions are true to those who justly love and appreciate every moment of their life. Especially those like me who deem school life, particularly in a school like my ‘New School’, a novel know-how and a whole lot of awareness!!

Thank You! For everyone mentioned in the story and for everyone who made my 11^th grade SO DAMN treasured!! LOVE YOU ALL!!

ANGER

Head pulsates, muscles contract, you see red, your mind grows blank, and you’re oblivious to everything happening around you, you feel hot tears behind your eyes and all you can focus on is the person who caused all these physiological changes in you! You hate that person SO much that you could annihilate him/her from the face of earth! You hate this person SO much that you could swear at him/her to your hearts content!

Why do we get angry?

Why are we ‘Pissed Off’?

Anger is a riposte to feelings of misery, which in turn occur every time we meet up with repulsive environment. Whenever we are prohibited from satisfying our desires, or forced into a situation we find objectionable. In a nutshell, whenever we have to put up with something we would rather keep away from, our unrestrained psyche reacts by instantaneously feeling miserable. This aching feeling can, without difficulty turn into anger, and we become even more distraught than before.

When we are angry, we exorcise it all out on the person dearest and nearest to us, for we know he/she will exonerate us for it. Controlling anger isn’t trouble-free. You’ve gotta work hard to keep your ire under control when you see red dynamites dancing in front of your eyes.

For e.g. you see your guy talking with another pretty girl. And that appealing girl happens to be a big time slut. How would you feel?

*This applies only to girls, guys? see in your mind’s eye your best friend hitting on your girl*

(evil grin)

You’d feel swindled and most conspicuously Jealous. Your guts do flip flops that even a gymnast would envy! All you can feel is intense abhorrence for that girl/guy your sweets is chatting with. Again. This is for those juvenile ones who get all possessive with their girl/guy. How can you be in possession of some one?

*Rolls eyes*

All those paradoxical emotions turn into anger. Anger can be very constructive sometimes too. You start some fragmentary work with all that anger in you; you’d find yourself finishing it in a jiffy!

Same time, really truly, I mean Really concentrated anger may lead to misdemeanor too. But I’m not getting into that. You wouldn’t wanna know nonetheless!

Yeah, gawk at the title. Yes, our crushes. High time I bring the juicer stuff out into the open!

Becky – “ooohh! He replied! He replied! “

Robin – “ I caught him staring at me! “

Rach - “ hey! He has a goatee!“

Madison – “I hate Slut!!”

Us. Our archetypal tête-à-tête!

Let the entire world know how feather headed we are!

Adam Mackenzie! He sings, he acts; he plays soccer, school topper, basketball varsity, student council, teacher’s pet and chick lure!

And, yeah, Becky’s dream lad!

She hasn’t met him, she hasn’t taken a photograph with him, she doesn’t have his contact number, she reads his blogs, and she comments on them faithfully, she uses his picture as her mobile wallpaper/screensaver, and she has his pictures though. Don’t ask me how that happened! I have no idea! He’s somewhere in this orb…she found him in Madison’s school yearbook and started crushing on him. She anticipates his acquaintance!

He likes eccentric girls, he doesn’t like girls who are nice, he likes girls who aren’t trying hard to be fastidious, he falls for the wrong type of girls and gets hurt big way!

Becky, You should teach him a thing or two about women. He’d appreciate the help.

*Evil laughter*

I still think you should flirt with him as an alternative to asking him about some freaking educational establishment! Guys can’t resist flirty girls. Predominantly a hormone ridden soul like him.

*Sheepish grin*

Becky -> Eccentric girl, feminist and a female who has to struggle hard to be discourteous

Adam -> Hormone ridden male who loves eccentric girls who try hard to be nice!

They gel… Don’t they?

Aaron and Kevin. Can a girl like two guys at once? Equivalent feelings? Harmonizing shade of scarlet?

I don’t believe so.

But Robin in no doubt did.

I had to walk with her at least 5 times a day to the girl’s restroom for her to catch a glimpse of either of those guys!

Robin was one of those types who’d fall hard for a guy and then refute it with bursting dynamism.

Cares a lot for her reputation.

Well, Aaron was what you could call ‘The Macho Stud’. Yeah, that portrays him. Chick magnet, thrilling ego dilemma etc. I will have power over my fingers since this could be read by anyone!

As for Kevin, Robin dumped the pitiable guy within a month!

*sigh* I’ll position this fragment for the very last !

Her dream guy has brains but no brawns. He’s sensitive to his own feelings but not to others’. He appreciates girls for their *bleep* and not their acumen or personality. Madison so far has the most eye-watering story! Just when she starts thinking her guy likes her; something comes in the way to blight it.

Her first crush went out with a slut. Her second crush was not long lived. Her third crush hurt her beyond contemplation. Though he did treat her well after a short span, she wanted more.

But there’s something called Limit. As far as I’m concerned, he crossed it long back. And I’m sure Madison knew he did too. Love is blind. J She’d ask everyone she knew what his judgment was about her! He had always had a good one. Just that his friends were always around to screw things up! But, Madison, by god’s grace, moved on. She fell for a cricketer! Woohoo! J And he happens to be an icon with an electric ego! Well, life will almost certainly be much much healthier this year!

She had him wrapped around her finger? Or was it the other way round. She undeniably started behaving uncanny after she met this weirdo. Everyone knew he wasn’t right for her. Despite the verity that she was so blinded by his skin depth good looks, she was chary. She suspected him. She had her reservations. So she isn’t as naïve as we all thought. At last, she decided to abandon him so that he can carry on with his communal life and go out on dates with sluts and fat lipped fakes!

She knew better! And she did what she knew was best for her!

Way to GO!

My story.—> Constructing.

I’m crushing on more than 3 guys at once. I’ll post as soon as I decide which one I’m fond of the most.!

May the Madness and Featherheadedness LIVE LONG!!